Love's labour lost

‘Love’, that magical word we all pretend to have an understanding of, has definitions so varied that one would almost think that such a concept did not exist. The love I’m talking about today is the love we talk about in reference to our better halves. I’m not pondering on the forms and types of love but rather just an understanding of its basic nature. When can we say we are in love? Is it the surge of excitement and happiness on encountering the object of our affection somewhere unexpectedly or is it the silent admiration and respect held for someone, currently, far from one’s reach or is it the mental acknowledgement of somebody’s importance in one’s life? When we don’t really know the true definition of love, can we really afford to wait for the ‘right one’ to come along? A character from the book 'Pride and Prejudice' comes to mind. Mr. Collins is this loser kind of guy who proposes to Elizabeth Bennet simply because there are a list of reasons (none of them being love) why he thinks its ‘appropriate’ for him to get married at that particular time. Lizzie, of course refuses but then some days later, her best friend Catherine comes over to tell her that she’s engaged to Mr. Collins. At Lizzie's shocked expression, Catherine tells her that this is the best offer she thinks she’s ever going to get considering that she’s 27 yrs old and has poor prospects because of her humble background. At the look of outrage on her friend's face, Catherine “dares” her to judge her for she thinks that not everyone can afford to be romantic in life and sometimes, life forces you to make a compromise.

We usually tend to label characters like these as “weak” and "spineless" but I think we ourselves are in error here. I think it takes more courage to compromise than to be stubborn sometimes. I think it takes a greater effort to resign oneself to mediocrity when something far better and desirable has even a remote possibility of happening in the future. So, what of those who believe in the whole funda of “love” being the most important thing in life? Can these people wait all their lives for the “love of their life” to come by? It it worth the wait at the end? I know a novice like me has no experience and authority on such maters but still it des give me lots of food for thought. I think its all a game of probability, the probability of just about anybody being in your life at the right moment and in the right situation. That’s what love is, that “anybody” being immaterial.

That’s where logical analysis of the whole concept takes you but then I’ve always prided myself on being a die-hard romantic and a streak of irrationality is an inevitable side-effect of being a romantic. I believe in true love, in the existence of a soulmate and the works. I believe in the power of love to heal wounds inflicted by time and circumstances. Love's the only thing that keeps you anchored during storms in life. It’s the only thing worth living for, for all emotions, be it happiness or sadness are inevitably linked to it. It adds colour to an otherwise colourless world. It gives flowers, their sweet smell and spring, its freshness and birds, their gaiety. To be able to feel, one should be able to love. Its something each one of us is innately capable of doing, so we really don’t need to go about trying to define the whole concept and reaching a consensus about it. It can mean different things for different people. For some, it can be the whiff of her perfume, for some, the way his hair falls on his forehead, for some the pure laughter of a happy child, for some the concern in an elder’s eye. As long as we acknowledge its prescence in our lives, love’s alive. All we have got to do is stop trying to customize it. Rather, we should let it mould us!

Just a passing thought…

Yesterday evening was just like any another evening. But still, it brought with it a realization that was like no other. I was just sitting in the MS bus waiting to get off at the next stop. The bus stopped at the traffic lights. In my semi-concious state I looked out of the window only to encounter the broad expanse of a water tanker. Looking ahead I could see a 15-something kid sitting in the passenger seat with his feet hanging out of the door. Nothing extraordinary upto now. And then I saw a small kid running towards the back of the tanker shouting “pani” (water). This made the boy in the front get down, probably to shoo the boy away from the back of the tank. By this time, a few other small boys and girls had started running towards the back. These were kids I saw on the road everyday, bedraggled, poverty stricken, begging for money as if it was the only way of life known to them, never having explored other options and ways of life. It wasn’t a heart wrenching moment, not by any means. I could see the glee on the children’s faces and the fascination that drinking water from the back of the huge vehicle held for them. The elder boy must have seen that too ‘coz he just gave a half hearted warning, got back in and smiled. He did not want to spoil the kids’ fun. So, what if they’ll waste a few millilitres of water. He did not mind!

Though this incident in no way bears a direct reference to what came to my mind next, it was the trigger point definitely. Several such images flashed before my eyes - that of a ‘chaat’ vendor giving the balloon boy a small plate of ‘chat’ to have, all the time putting on a gruff exterior, of an ice-cream waala handing out a small ice lolly to the poor girl helping out her mother with the sale of her goods and of the popcorn vendor dishing out a handful of popcorn to the small, naked, poor children milling around him. There was a streak of sympathy and understanding here that ran very deep. I realized then that there was a sense of comradeship among the poor that the united rich could never achieve. Poor people bonded even when their poverty was the only thing connecting them. They understood the other’s plight simply because it had once been their own. Here, amidst hunger and discomfort, there was a deep rooted comrehension of things considered trivial in today’s world – of pity, of sympathy and of love.

This was a thought so contrary to my expectation that I was quite startled. I always thought that the rich were a ‘community’ but that was so not true. All that the rich have are pretenses and show. There is no connection inside. It is just a matter of protocol, a way of behaving according to their own pre-determined norms. It is a harmony born out of the necessity to stick together for otherwise they stand to lose their monopoly over the world. I’m not insinuating that everyone in the world is like that but most probably are. So, is it that I’m looking at the wrong set of things to make a judgement or is it juat that the rules of the world have changed without my realizing it? Probably, friendship, comradeship, sympathy and understanding have become over-hyped things of the past. ‘WE’ have probably moved on to bigger, better things!

Apocalypto

Well, I'd thought I'll never watch THIS one! I'd almost believed it wasn't "my type" of a movie. But boredom is a far bigger motivator than anything else. Result : watched the much talked about 'Apocalypto' yesterday. WOW!! What an experience. Here I am, writing about whether or not I'll fit into the corporate world and what, in my opinion, was missing from the office life of a corporate executive, when there are people around the world just struggling to live. I know the Mayan civilisation was another time and place altogether but they were people, right? I struggle with choices that seem very trivial when compared to theirs. When we talk of advancement and the march to progress of human civilisation, are we actually moving towards something better or mere trivialities? Do we really need to make life more and more complicated in order to pretend that we are making some progress when we manage to disentangle ourselves from the webs we ourselves weave?

Most of us would call what Apocalypto had to show as 'gross', 'uncivilised' or even 'inhuman' but I felt that the people the movie portrayed were infinitely more human than we ever would be. They had a greater sense of honour and more importantly, a greater sense of purpose in life. They might not have known what caused the solar eclipse but they sure knew the 'how' of almost anything. They knew how to survive in the jungle, they knew how to protect their young ones, they knew exactly how to train these young ones to survive in the forest. They knew how to celebrate life and mourn death, how to pray and how to bless. Their methods might have been different, aye, even 'weird' but the sentiments were the same. They feared the unknown (don't we?). The only difference was that at that time there was A LOT that was unknown. Does that give us any right to think we are in any way more 'advanced' than they were or 'better'? I think not. I sometimes miss being close to nature. The life of the tribal people, right there in the heart of the jungle fascinates me sometimes. Yes, their lifestyle apparently borders on 'brutal' to onlookers sometimes, but their oneness with nature makes up for it all.

Its amazing how just one brush with a harsher reality makes you see your life in a clearer perspective. I feel blessed to live in an age and time of extreme comfort but I also understand that it's come at a BIG price. Its come at the cost of tall trees with lush green leaves, meadows with cows grazing in the distance, hilltops with lots of sheep milling around, small wooden bridges over brooks, gently flowing rivers whose bottoms are visible from the surface, houses with attics and gardens in front, small whitewashed fences and backyards. Was it a good bargain? I think not. But then I don't really have a choice in the matter. Like everyone else before me, I too have been placed in a time and a place, my only option being how I choose to live in it. So, here's to days gone by, forever cherished as memories!!

To be or not to be!

Back for another blog. Was very contemplative (read sleepy) today on my journey to the Microsoft campus. Am I really meant for the 'corporate world'? And then, what really is the 'corporate world'? The money seems to be good, the office and the facilities and food available seem to be fantastic too. But still, something isn't sitting very well with me. It took me almost 2 days to realize what was nagging the back of my mind - it is the lack of personal interaction I see in this place. Everyone's isolated in cubicles, with probably a few words exchanged during the whole day. I know its too early to make a judgement but shouldn't your workplace be more fun? And when I say fun, I mean loads of people, loads of interaction, loads of masti. But I guess this would be very contrary to the whole image of the corporate world, where efficiency and competition drive people and the iindustry at large. Maybe I'm expecting too much, maybe not...who's to say!! I'm just gonna live out the duration of my this internship and then decide on the big question - A Software Engineer, to be or not to be???

THIS is me!!

Finally, my incessant efforts to create a blog yielded results and 'here I am' (Bryan Adams style), with my very own blog. I am surprised sometimes by how simple things become so complicated that you end up feeling disgruntled and frustrated because after all, it WAS supposed to be a simple matter actually. I got into trouble because I wanted everything to be perfect even before I started writing - the template had to be just right, the name of the blog, just perfect and the first blog, truly a literary masterpiece. And that's how it took me almost 2 years to get started. A thing well begun is half done, they say. I think a thing too well begun is not done at all.

So, I decided to give up this obsession with a perfect start and just...start. Ah! It feels great to have finally taken off after driving around like a maniac on the runway. Going by my previous record, I should now start wondering exactly what to write. Should I talk about my oh-so-interesting life (honestly!) or my heroic exploits (believe you me!) or my not-so-ordinary thoughts. In order to avoid another time consuming deliberation, I'm going to stick to the bare facts. I will try and make up for lost time by chronologically listing the events in my life so far. For all those, whom I have balckmailed into reading 'my blog' may now get ready for a repeat telecast and for the unfortunate few who stumbled upon this all by themselves, all I can say is...BRACE YOURSELF!