Nuovo Cinema Paradiso

It's just the kind of movie I love, simple and unpretentious. This one made no flashy promises in the beginning. It's a story about a village and in particular the relationship between an old man and a little boy and how the relationship grows and goes on to shape the little boy's destiny. The movie takes one back to the 1950's in a small village in Italy, a time when life was simple, everyone in town knew everyone else, when people walked to most places in town or used bicycles, when children played in the street in the evenings or sometimes during the day when they played truant from school. A time when children were mischievous, when there were only 20-30 odd children in one class  so that they all knew each other and grew up with each other. There is much more to that time than just these facets.

The thing that struck me most about the movie was the simplicity with which such a wide range of human experiences and emotions is depicted. There is the naughty six year old Toto who just can't help getting into trouble. With him, one experiences the small joys of childhood, the random crap that children collect and that is so precious to them - everything from negatives of photographs to weird shaped stones - and the extreme curiosity in all things new. With the adolescent Salvatore, one experiences the agony of being in unrequited love, the power of a first crush, the intensity of emotion and the silent endurance of a heart full of hope.

The relationship between Alfredo and Toto was inexplicably heartwarming. An old man who spent all his life in the same village doing the same job eventually convinces the small boy to go follow his dreams elsewhere. It brought a certain question to mind. Nowadays, with people moving around so much, I hear a lot of talk about losing touch with ones roots. I understand the importance of roots too. But what was depicted in the movie really made me think what we mean when we say the word "roots". People change and so do places, what gets left behind are the ghosts of memories past. Most people feel nostalgic about their past, thus resulting in an innate desire to go back to where we started from, at some time in life or the other. But they forget to discount for the fact that you cannot go back in time and hence going "back to one's roots" is literally impossible in that sense. In this context I can think of the feelings one experiences when you visit your alma mater after leaving. Yes, there are always memories associated with the place, certain places that mean something but most of all, our experiences are connected to people who mostly move on when you do. Hence I understand the joy at encountering an old lab worker in college or a professor who is still there, years after you left. But I also wonder if that void that one feels when you look at a new set of people living YOUR life and doing things that YOU used to do can ever be filled and if there ever can be a feeling of complete reunion with one's roots. Just a random thought...

I loved little Toto, brilliant acting, great character. It brought back so many memories from my own childhood. I love movies that are made about simple, unassuming souls in some small part of the world. It celebrates the fact that even the least important of human beings in the world (if your stature and notoriety in the world is a proxy for importance) has a story of his own, goes through ups and downs that, when viewed through his eyes, are very significant events. This movie celebrates life, at least that's what I felt after watching it. Yes, there is some sadness, sometimes related to the choices we make in life and the course our life takes based on those choices. But one should still be able to enjoy the mixed bag of experiences that life brings to us 'coz I believe that is the only things that define who we are.

I recommend this movie for everyone who wants to escape the complexities of life for a while, to forget about the next promotion or project, and to just sit back and let the joys of life wash over you!

Bridge to Terabithia

It made me think, made me think about things I hadn’t thought about in a long long time. But what a refreshing change! The mad pace of the past few months had almost made me lose touch with something that used to define me once upon a time. When I decided to watch the movie, I had no clue that it forayed into the realm of a child’s imagination, fantasy as many of the adults prefer categorizing the genre as. Every day I hear things and see evidence of the fact that children are growing too fast in the world of today. We don’t hear of imaginary friends anymore except when they are associated with some psychological disorder caused by anxiety or exploitation of some kind. We don’t come across flights of fancy which make forts of cardboard boxes and kingdoms of gardens and trees. All this has been replaced by much more sophisticated toys and games which leave no scope for a child’s own imagination. It is despicable how we pride ourselves on our progress and development without realizing how we are stealing and snatching away the very essence of childhood from our children. I remember my childhood which was filled with fantasies of fairies and pixies and enchanted castles and large kingdoms when I was 6. This soon turned into a thirst for adventure with Famous Five, Secret Seven and the Five Find Outers and Dog. Soon enough I discovered the wonderful treasure trove in the form of the classics, which again helped me to transcend boundaries, geographies and cultures to get a taste and flavor of what children in other places were like. Whether it be the naughty Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn or the wonderfully creative Anne of Green Gables or the The Little Princess, I grew up with children who lived in a free world with none of the complexities of today’s world, who did not worry about what they are wearing to school today or whether they own the latest tech gadgets. They were children of nature, who learnt from experience, who possessed sharp minds that were put to immense mischief of a harmless fun kind that taught them lessons that would define them as the people they would grow up to be. I’m not denying the fact that there was misery and suffering back then too, difficulties that a lot many children had to live through, issues they had to face very early on in life, but the others by far were, or at least seemed to be, much more blessed than the richest child is in our world in this day and age.  

It pains my heart sometimes to see the indifference to all things natural nowadays. Yes, people do talk of going back to the basics and going herbal and healthy in eating and living but that too, is a very glorified, glamorous version of what I remember as nature from childhood. Even if the surrounding is left out of the discussion, one still wonders if the loss of the same experiences is costing our civilization much more than the innocence of childhood. The movie was a welcome break from the breakneck monotony of today’s fast paced lives lived by the children and adults alike. The realm of a child’s imagination is a wonderful place to lose one’s self. I loved this movie ‘coz it reminded me of all that defined my own childhood. A must watch for all adults who remember being children once!

The first sight of Hong Kong

I am currently sitting at the Hong Kong airport and it is just the most bloody brilliant airport that I have ever seen in my life. The airport is actually on an island. Our plane landed on a runway that ran parallel to the sea and when I say sea, I don’t mean that distant expanse of blue that I could see when we were landing, I mean the water that I could have waded into if I had gotten out of the plane and walked 200 mts to my left. I could see the boats and the jetties and the people on the distant island. It was just a beautiful sight and one that I won’t forget in a hurry. Here’s how I remember it.

Time: 7:30 in the morning.

The sky looked slightly overcast or maybe it was just the grey of a mild winter morning. Coming from the Indian heat, everything grey was a welcome change. I got out of the slumber I had fallen into after the horrible dinner served in the plane last night and was trying to peer outside through a light mist to see what Hong Kong looked like. I saw a huge expanse of aquamarine in the distance, extremely clear and calm, stretching out as far as my eyes could see. The plane was already in landing mode with the lovely green drawing ever so close which is when my hazy mind registered that we must be landing in Hong Kong and that this must be the sea. It was quite a breathtaking sight. Not any more than what I saw when I landed though. I walked down the steps and turned to realise that the beautiful water just a little way off. The slight breeze, though cold felt very liberating especially after the way I had been cooped up in the plane. The next connecting flight to Shanghai was 2 hours later and I had already fallen in love with the place enough to not want to go further, enough to feel sad at saying goodbye. I do intend to return back soon, someday in the future, maybe to share the sight with the people I love.

China, here I come!!

Last minute changes and rush jobs, that’s what can best describe the series of events that finally took me to the first week of my internship. The last minute change of location to Shanghai was unnerving in the beginning, only exciting by the end of the week. And thus began my first week with one training session after the other for a week, which in spite of the hectic schedule I ended up enjoying immensely. Some great free food will definitely give me “fat” nightmares in the days to come! But I guess with the prospect of decent Indian food in the next 2 months being almost minimal, I did not feel too guilty indulging in some good old gluttony. And thus arrived the final day, that most awaited Friday when all of us were supposed to fly to our respective locations. With a full day off to laze around in the hotel and pack, I spent time with mom packing and chatting about the time to come and times past. A hurried departure from the hotel in the evening, only to make it well in time to the airport.

Now, there were several things that I expected to see at the airport. Lots of Chinese people, lots of travellers from Europe etc. travelling to Hong Kong or further but what I saw was something so unexpected that it simple blew me off my feet initially. So, amid a mad rush of taxies, with blaring horns, guards shouting in the background and people bumping luggage trollies left right and centre, I saw a glimpse of the Indira Gandhi International Airport. And there is only one way to describe what I saw: there was Punjab EVERYWHERE. I heard people shouting in Punjabi, hundreds of red, yellow, blue, green turbans, huge suitcases and hand bags and every passenger usually accompanied by 10 other family members who drove all the way from their homes to say goodbye. My first thought was that there must be multiple flights flying out tonight to either “Amreeka” or “Caneda”. But it seems the Punjabis are out for world domination now. The check-in line for the Honk Kong was equally ethnically inclined. It seemed to me like the whole state was travelling to HK tonight. The biggest surprise came when I find the same distribution of people in line to board a flight to Gangzhou (heck I hadn’t even heard of the place ever!). Anyway, that’s my dear old state for you – completely ‘out there’. Made me wonder if there is any major city of the world that does not have a considerable number of Punjabis.

Anyway, it was quite an interesting start to my “Adventures in Shanghai” as I liked to call them. Waiting to see an exciting new culture, meet different kinds of people and experience the traditions, customs and rituals of one of the oldest civilisations of the world.

Here’s to a “happening” two months ahead. May they be filled with interesting times!!

The rest is still unwritten!

Sometimes I struggle to find words to express what I want to say and then there are times I discover that someone already said what I wanted to say and in ways infinitely better than anything I could have come up with. So, here's a reminder to myself that TODAY is the first page of the rest of my life and the rest in unwritten. Here's to the endless possibilities and the beautiful uncertainty called LIFE!

I am unwritten,
Can't read my mind
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning
The pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find.
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten.

I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
Are outside the lines,
We've been conditioned
To not make mistakes
But I can't live that way.

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
the rest still unwritten...

The Bridges of Madison County

It’s been so long since I read a decent book, any book for that matter. Ages since I last reached the last page of the book, unsure of my own feelings, confused about whether to feel glad to know how things finally went or sad at having no more to read. I remember that sense of helplessness at the end of Gone with the Wind, the feeling that you want to somehow intervene in the course of events to put some things right. I know it sounds crazy but I really love these books that by their very nature can get me so deeply involved in what they talk about. The satisfaction one has at the end of a good book is unparalleled by any other medium, music or movies. The mad rush of life in the past few years had made me lose touch with this awesome escape from reality. It’s actually unfair to call it an escape, it’s more the recognition of a newer reality, a reality that is subliminal, subconscious and yet more real than the actual thing. A book is an amalgamation of 2 people’s realities – the author and the reader which is why reading is almost an art, a test of a reader’s ability to connect and interweave someone else’s reality into his or her own and the author’s ability to relate his or her reality to the intended reader.

The Bridges of Madison County was one of THOSE books, the kind that I just talked about. At the end of the day if one gets down to dissecting it, it’s just a love story, nay a love affair to be more precise. But there were some things about the way it was written and about the people it was about that really struck a chord with me. Made me wonder about things that lead nowhere, made me ask questions that I know have no answers and yet to not wonder about those things and to not ask those questions seemed sacrilege.  I love books that make me uncomfortable, that force me to look outside the shell of everyday life that I inevitably end up building around me, that make me look at newer aspects of life, that give me new perspectives and question old ones, and especially the ones that shake my idea of right and wrong, that show me shades of grey, that cover life spans of protagonists to prove that in the long run, everyone is just dead and nothing else.

The book talks about a very powerful kind of love, the kind that very few people on this planet are ever able to experience. The rest of us it seems just go through the motions. I sometimes wonder if I’ll be one of the fortunate ones, if in fact I already am. I wonder if there ever will be a moment in my life that will merit me thinking or saying: “In a universe of ambiguity, this kind of certainty comes only once, and never again, no matter how many lifetimes you live.”  I wonder if THIS is the lifetime when I will be blessed with that certainty or if I ever will know that kind of certainty in another place or another life.  And then who is to say, maybe I already have. It seems like it, except that the shades are different, the hues are subtler and the tinges less pronounced. Robert Kincaid, the last cowboy, one of the last cowboys, a thought that struck my heart like none other had in a long long time.

“There’s a breed of men that’s obsolete or very nearly so. The world is getting organized, way too organized for some people. Everything is in its place, a place for everything. Rules and regulations and laws and social conventions. Hierarchies of authority, spans of control, long range plans and budgets. Corporate power, a world of wrinkled suits and stick on name tags.”

It said things about the way I’ve felt sometimes, in a way which was infinitely better than any words I had ever used to describe it. I sometime do wonder if I’m one of those people who are slowly becoming obsolete, if I was meant for another time and place. After all, not all men or women are the same. Some will do okay in the world that is coming, some will not. And as the number of the soon-to-be-obsolete kind dwindles, what are the odds of experiencing the kind of certainty that every man and woman, by right, should crave for. After all, it takes one to know one, right?

But then such instances also make me wonder if such chance encounters with our true soul mates or alter egos are so special only by dint of the fact that they are “chance” encounters, never to be repeated, only to be preserved in the recesses of one’s memory and the secrets of one’s heart. Wouldn’t these encounters also become ordinary at some point of time or the other if they were pursued? Yes, there are times in some fortunate people’s lives when they happen to run into their alter egos, an opportunity to see themselves with their own eyes, to know someone who is intellectually, spiritually or physically their other half. But I wonder if the sanctity and purity of that happenstance meeting is lost due to prolonged association. Is true love a function of the serendipitous circumstances or is it a hardening bond of trust and familiarity built with someone who’s been there for a long time? I wonder…

Back to basics!

What an amazing realization and it came without a bang! It's just another quiet day in December. Nothing special about it. While the usual spate of quizzes, assignments and submissions still hangs on my head, something else also managed to creep into the limited space in my brain, the slow and sure realization that things had drastically changed in the last couple of years without my realizing it, that "I" had almost completely changed without ever consciously registering the change. The discovery was pretty disconcerting initially because it suddenly made me realize that the change had cost me things that used to define me as a person before, be it music, movies, my fetish for all sports and everything sporty and books. To my chagrin, I had lost touch with not one but almost all of them. They had been an integral part of who I was, how I functioned and what I did on a day to day basis. The rigors of everyday life had taken away some of my most prized attributes without my knowledge which is why this realization suddenly hit me and saddened me as I felt that I had lost a couple of years of my life. Yes, I have significantly grown professionally and apparently as a person too but in the process I lost touch with certain aspects of me that I had always loved and suddenly, today the price I paid for the change seemed too high. So I decided to make a pre new year resolution, a decision to go back to what I used to be while retaining all that I have learnt in the past few years. I know it sounds like a tough task but that's what is making it so interesting to me right now - which brings me to a new chain of thought...

What essentially defines a person - is it their perception of themselves or people's perception of them. I think somewhere along the course of one’s life, the line between the two becomes blurry because each individual measures himself/herself by what they see to be others' perception of who they are. These external perceptions become their standards and this is what most of us end up working on and improving. But sometimes in the process, we lose some very precious characteristics and attributes of ours. Though you don't miss them much when you lose them but over a period of time, these missing links create a problem with your identity as without realizing we tend to get rid of parts of us that truly defined who we are and want to be. I know it sounds complicated but I feel it isn't. It’s about being in touch with your true self, at ALL TIMEs, about knowing what truly makes you happy and to always latch onto the things that do, and not bother about the things that don't. Life is complicated; I've realized that now and experienced it in more ways than one. But contrary to giving up on it and feeling bad about it, I have actually realized that it offers far more excitement now that it ever did before. My complicated life and the decisions that it entails on a daily basis have ensured that I discover something new about myself every so often. These insights and light-bulb-going-off-in-my-head days are rare but oh-so-welcome. And hats off to my mom for sighting the fact so soon, all these realizations came only after I followed her advice, took a step back from the mad rush of life that I had pushed myself into after coming to IIMB. It’s funny to watch the crazy crowds running like mad after some goal that half of them don't even understand. Putting life in slow motion has made me realize that there's so much more happening on the sidelines that I forget to look out for as I rush along the others. Now I can see the beautiful small things that I missed earlier, like the thrill of reading an interesting book and staying up all night to finish it, like listening to that amazing song that goes right to your insides and makes you feel as if it can define better than you what you are feeling at that moment of time or that spine tingling nervousness and excitement when you face your opponent on the court or the field. I wish to get back those feelings because they were far more rejuvenating and satisfying than any feeling any of my recent "achievements" have given me and that’s what my December resolution is - go back to the basics!

What's going on?

“It’s amazing how you can see right through my heart!”

There was a time that line used to give me a thrill, a thrill of discovering someday what that feeling felt like, that connection with someone, the satisfaction of knowing someone inside out, the belief that someone can read your mind faster than you can. My friends always said that those notions were fanciful, that all that was unreal and implausible but my heart never really believed it. I always hoped that it would happen to me someday, that I would be able to experience what poets have been talking about for centuries, that I too would someday know the feeling of seeing the whole world in one person. And it would have come true too had it not been for this cruel cruel world. The past 3 years have tried incessantly to teach me the true meaning of life, the way it should be lived, the way it should be looked at and treated and I’m not sure I like what I’m being taught. People all around me talk about the need of the hour, the pressing engagements and obligations of everyday life that just HAVE to be taken care of, the work that always needs to be completed before one can even think of indulging in leisure and the responsibilities that one can never really get rid of.

I’m sitting in a room all alone with the rain falling on the leaves outside, a sound that I haven’t heard in ages. It gives me the kind of peace that no achievement in the last three years has given me. Sometimes these experiences almost make me think that I’m a loner, content with the sights and sounds of nature, at least the sights and sounds that I have in mind – from the smell of the first rain on a parched ground to the pitter patter of rain drops in a puddle to the swishing of trees in the wind or of the rain drops on the roof – I just love the sight and sound of the way the world works!

Sometimes I crave for someone to share it with – anyone who’ll understand where I’m coming from when I go on ranting about the clouds in the sky and the wind blowing in my face or the sun shining down on my back on a cold wintry morning and the lethargy that accompanies the warmth. I miss the ‘good old days’ at home when I saw time as it went past me, not as a blur but as a procession of experiences and events, when everyday had a meaning, a purpose and a new lesson to teach. Now it’s always the same, with one day being an exact replica of the other, doing the same thing every day, learning the same lesson and following the same routine.

Off to school - 'B' school

It's been a long and eventful year. The last time I was here, I was rambling on about making choices, about being unsure of where I was headed in life, about my insecurities about whether I'll ever make it to where I wanna go. And here I am, after months of what I look upon as writer's block" - sheer inability to express myself in words - and I'm all set and raring to go. I'm headed to IIM Bangalore. From what THEY tell me, its the place to be. I'm sure it will be all that I have imagined it to be and a much more. For now, I'm just enjoying the anticipation. Its a new phase of life with a new me. Waiting to see how I handle this part of my life. Cant wait for it all to get started. Its only been a quite a while since the last blog and I have changed drastically in these last few months, all for the better I'm sure. Its been a wonderful journey in more ways than one. And I hope this new phase of my life brings with it new people and a new time.

Pursuit of Happyness

Life’s been crazy these past few weeks – that has become my standard response to all the “How are you doing?” queries flung at me by friends and acquaintances. Somehow, this time, this semester seems different from all the others gone by. This one seems special. A foreboding of times to come?? Maybe. Or maybe it's just my overactive imagination. In any case, things have been different from what they used to be. For one, I feel as if life is suddenly spinning out of control with too much to do and too little time. At the same time, there is this serenity within me that tells me that no matter what happens, it's all going to be OKAY. Yes, I must confess, I did have a tough time adjusting to this routine in the beginning, this apparently humdrum existence but life’s come a long way since then. Suddenly, the future that I dreamt of, of being free and independent seems quite close. So, today I decided to take time off from all the “necessary” activities and do something totally unnecessary i.e. watch a movie. I had been hearing a lot about “Pursuit of Happyness”. So, the afternoon found me in movieland.

The movie brought things in perspective to say the least. Suddenly, my good fortune and great circumstances looked me right in the face. I suddenly realized what it meant to “earn” success and with such realizations comes guilt. Yes, I felt guilty for squandering away time and resources that so many people would give anything to have. To fight the odds and win is stuff winners are made of and I have always dreamt of being a winner. It made me wonder if I was fortunate or unfortunate. Its only when u have been through hell’s fire that you can truly crave for and achieve heaven’s peace. But I never went through that fire. Does that mean I’ll never achieve that peace that I too crave for. Are the ones placed in difficult situations the lucky ones because they have the environment to prove themselves and rise beyond their capabilities? Do timely opportunities and resources prevent a person from being as great as he/she might have been after overcoming adverse circumstances? It’s a crazy thought, I know but a thought nonetheless. For those people who have courage enough to beat the odds, obstacles must almost be a welcome test. Or is it just that we love to look at the other side and assume that we’d have been far better off on that side? Human nature, maybe. Just a passing thought… 

Money matters

Well, well, well. This internship is turning out to be quite a learning experience! There have been so many firsts already. For the first time, I’m living in a flat with 2 other MS employees, for the first time I’m cooking for myself and more importantly, likely it, and for the first time yesterday, I had a 3 course meal at a 5 star hotel’s restaurant. Now, how’s that for firsts! But as usual this stupid conscience of mine (or do i mean my brain...inconsequential anyway) always ends up noticing the wrong things and brings in an element of sadness into all things I do, no matter how grand. Last night was a great experience in terms of the people I saw, in terms of the food I ate, in terms of the way I was treated and served but still there was a feeling of detachment that justwouldn’t let go of me. I saw a glimpse of money in everything around and not just any money…BIG money, from the cars that people drove up in, to the clothes they wore, to the food they ordered, and even, to the way they talked. It all reeked of wealth and money. I realized that I do not belong to this world…yet! This thought made me question myself, “Do I really ever want to belong to this place?” I’m not saying all those people weren’t good and kind souls or that it was in any way bad for them to be splurging like this but do ‘I’ want to have all that and lead that kind of a lifestyle? The answer even surprised ME! I realized that I DO NOT want that life of money and style. I really don’t. There should always be certain things in life that are a luxury. Its only then that you value their true worth, else the term luxury itself loses its meaning if one endeavors to make it commonplace which we all are hell bent on doing in each of our individual lives. When we say we want to reach for the stars, all we actually mean is that we want to dine in fancy restaurants, wear stylish clothes and mingle with rich people. But those are not the kind of stars I’ve always wanted to reach for. My stars were oh-so-different. I always envisaged a life for myself that had just enough of everything – love, happiness, success and a small sprinkling of disappointment evenly spread over it all, just to keep me on my feet and grounded, always. Also, because its only through the disappointments that I can truly appreciate the other blessings in my life. And money ALWAYS corrupts. There is no limit to how much a human being can get used to. The level of satisfaction is individual specific. So, it’s for each one of us to decide what’s “enough’ for us. People who choose to run after money all their lives aren’t the ones to be pitied, the real unfortunate ones are those who never knew that they had another choice!

 

Just another sunday.

It is one of those days when time seems to have come to a standstill or rather when I seem to have lost track of it. With thunder and lightening in the background, the ambience is perfect for a session of retrospection and wonder about where my life’s headed and where I want it to go. I’m experiencing one of those rare flashes of insight that give meaning to life and living, a moment when you look at your own life objectively, sometimes critically and come to terms with what you have made of it or want to make of it. It is a time when everything that is important or ought to be important in life is crystal clear, no ambiguities, no doubts and no deliberations.

Sometimes, just some time by ourselves works wonders to resolve all the knots that we tend to tie ourselves up in, in our day to day life. The misfortune of the hour lies not so much in the lack of solutions to problems but rather the lack of time to come up with these solutions. There is a phrase I’ve often come across in those quaint li’l stories of yesteryears that are such favourites of mine – if you are unable to solve a problem, sleep over it. Your mind will usually work out the problem by the time you wake up. But I guess this adage would only hold true if we kept all other factors constant (that’s the engineer in me talking). I guess, in today’s world, each one of us has become so obsessed with success, professionally that is, and are so encumbered with all kinds of problems that the precious few hours that we give our poor mind to relax have become largely insufficient to sort through the problems, much less come up with solutions. We often complain of not seeing the sense in all these age old ways of life but I think the problem lies elsewhere. I think we just tend to ignore the accompanying details and conditions of a lot of these old sayings and simply dismiss them thereon for lack of credibility and inconclusive proof. Yes, sleep does help to sort out a problem if that’s the only one you go to sleep with. But these are subtleties we’d rather not be burdened with, right?

Anyway, coming back to the point before I stray too far and take this in a totally different direction than where I want it to go, I’d just like to state that I miss the good old days. This, at the cost of sounding middle aged and boring . Well, one of my very close friends did point out that a lot of people in all ages have often wished to have been born in a different time just because we humans have this weakness of imagining that any time but ours would be rather better than the one we are living in. I agree but that doesn’t stop me from missing the essence of the good old days – time. Yes, TIME, a commodity that has become a rarity now, especially if success is on the agenda. I feel sad about the lack of time in our lives nowadays. There seems to be such a mad rush for everything, from travel to shopping, from eating to working to even talking. Everything has to be done faster. Efficient execution is the order of the day. There’s no time to just sit back and relax and enjoy. It’s all about speed. For instance, in reading, its about extracting maximum information in the minimum time, its about obtaining what is relevant from the long text, leaving out extraneous details. According to me, it just kills the essence of the book. It detracts substantially from the joy that is reading. When I read a book, I prefer a slow perusal of the words, trying to feel what the author wants to me to feel. If the author took the trouble to write two pages describing a particular flower, then I think its worth understanding why, by playing along and seeing what we are being shown. But no, now, these are irrelevant details that can be ‘skimmed’ over. This is especially true of every CAT aspirant in the country. Its all about ‘speed reading’. I agree what the CAT tries to do is look for people with the ability to handle large volumes of data in small amounts of time but then I’m sure that these data wouldn’t be of a literary nature, would it. And if it is, shouldn’t we be allowed to take our own sweet time to savour it rather than being rushed into gleaning useful information from it? And who defines “useful”, by the way? I hold literature sacred and such blatant dissection of it on the basis of “usefulness” to my mind, at least, is a sacrilege.

On a different note, how many of us have recently sat under the stars and admired the vastness of the universe? This question is only applicable to the lucky few who at least get to see a star cover at night contrary to those living in the “big” cities where “stars” of the celestial kind, contrary to the human equivalents, must be a species unheard of. Not many I’m sure. I still remember a time when me and my brother would be walking on the terrace of our house with our parents and asking them all sorts of questions about the universe and feeling this awe inside, at how insignificant we all are compared to what is out there. I remember those times to be my first odysseys into the mysteries of science. It not only gave vent to my curiosity about nature and its works but also gave me sweet memories with my family to cherish a lifetime. I know Wikipedia or any other source online would be a much greater authority on my questions than my parents ever were, but I wouldn’t exchange those moments for anything because those times, spent learning and laughing about things together, are things no one can ever steal away from me. they imparted knowledge of a very unacademic nature that’s not to be found in books or online. It taught me the meaning of “quality time” spent with people you love even if its spent pitting your limited knowledge against that of your sibling or if its spent asking every conceivable how, why and what question to your mom and dad. I wouldn’t trade those moments for anything in the world.

In these moments of realization, I just somehow want to preserve this clarity of thought about the important things in life so that I never lose sight of them in this mad rush of life that I see all around me. I just hope that I’ll always find it in me to be patient and to savour the joys that are ours to behold and enjoy. I hope I’ll always be able to distinguish the more important things in life viz. my loved ones and friends from the relatively unimportant ones viz. fame and money. In that lies true satisfaction and contentment for me and I hope I never lose sight of that!

Love's labour lost

‘Love’, that magical word we all pretend to have an understanding of, has definitions so varied that one would almost think that such a concept did not exist. The love I’m talking about today is the love we talk about in reference to our better halves. I’m not pondering on the forms and types of love but rather just an understanding of its basic nature. When can we say we are in love? Is it the surge of excitement and happiness on encountering the object of our affection somewhere unexpectedly or is it the silent admiration and respect held for someone, currently, far from one’s reach or is it the mental acknowledgement of somebody’s importance in one’s life? When we don’t really know the true definition of love, can we really afford to wait for the ‘right one’ to come along? A character from the book 'Pride and Prejudice' comes to mind. Mr. Collins is this loser kind of guy who proposes to Elizabeth Bennet simply because there are a list of reasons (none of them being love) why he thinks its ‘appropriate’ for him to get married at that particular time. Lizzie, of course refuses but then some days later, her best friend Catherine comes over to tell her that she’s engaged to Mr. Collins. At Lizzie's shocked expression, Catherine tells her that this is the best offer she thinks she’s ever going to get considering that she’s 27 yrs old and has poor prospects because of her humble background. At the look of outrage on her friend's face, Catherine “dares” her to judge her for she thinks that not everyone can afford to be romantic in life and sometimes, life forces you to make a compromise.

We usually tend to label characters like these as “weak” and "spineless" but I think we ourselves are in error here. I think it takes more courage to compromise than to be stubborn sometimes. I think it takes a greater effort to resign oneself to mediocrity when something far better and desirable has even a remote possibility of happening in the future. So, what of those who believe in the whole funda of “love” being the most important thing in life? Can these people wait all their lives for the “love of their life” to come by? It it worth the wait at the end? I know a novice like me has no experience and authority on such maters but still it des give me lots of food for thought. I think its all a game of probability, the probability of just about anybody being in your life at the right moment and in the right situation. That’s what love is, that “anybody” being immaterial.

That’s where logical analysis of the whole concept takes you but then I’ve always prided myself on being a die-hard romantic and a streak of irrationality is an inevitable side-effect of being a romantic. I believe in true love, in the existence of a soulmate and the works. I believe in the power of love to heal wounds inflicted by time and circumstances. Love's the only thing that keeps you anchored during storms in life. It’s the only thing worth living for, for all emotions, be it happiness or sadness are inevitably linked to it. It adds colour to an otherwise colourless world. It gives flowers, their sweet smell and spring, its freshness and birds, their gaiety. To be able to feel, one should be able to love. Its something each one of us is innately capable of doing, so we really don’t need to go about trying to define the whole concept and reaching a consensus about it. It can mean different things for different people. For some, it can be the whiff of her perfume, for some, the way his hair falls on his forehead, for some the pure laughter of a happy child, for some the concern in an elder’s eye. As long as we acknowledge its prescence in our lives, love’s alive. All we have got to do is stop trying to customize it. Rather, we should let it mould us!

Just a passing thought…

Yesterday evening was just like any another evening. But still, it brought with it a realization that was like no other. I was just sitting in the MS bus waiting to get off at the next stop. The bus stopped at the traffic lights. In my semi-concious state I looked out of the window only to encounter the broad expanse of a water tanker. Looking ahead I could see a 15-something kid sitting in the passenger seat with his feet hanging out of the door. Nothing extraordinary upto now. And then I saw a small kid running towards the back of the tanker shouting “pani” (water). This made the boy in the front get down, probably to shoo the boy away from the back of the tank. By this time, a few other small boys and girls had started running towards the back. These were kids I saw on the road everyday, bedraggled, poverty stricken, begging for money as if it was the only way of life known to them, never having explored other options and ways of life. It wasn’t a heart wrenching moment, not by any means. I could see the glee on the children’s faces and the fascination that drinking water from the back of the huge vehicle held for them. The elder boy must have seen that too ‘coz he just gave a half hearted warning, got back in and smiled. He did not want to spoil the kids’ fun. So, what if they’ll waste a few millilitres of water. He did not mind!

Though this incident in no way bears a direct reference to what came to my mind next, it was the trigger point definitely. Several such images flashed before my eyes - that of a ‘chaat’ vendor giving the balloon boy a small plate of ‘chat’ to have, all the time putting on a gruff exterior, of an ice-cream waala handing out a small ice lolly to the poor girl helping out her mother with the sale of her goods and of the popcorn vendor dishing out a handful of popcorn to the small, naked, poor children milling around him. There was a streak of sympathy and understanding here that ran very deep. I realized then that there was a sense of comradeship among the poor that the united rich could never achieve. Poor people bonded even when their poverty was the only thing connecting them. They understood the other’s plight simply because it had once been their own. Here, amidst hunger and discomfort, there was a deep rooted comrehension of things considered trivial in today’s world – of pity, of sympathy and of love.

This was a thought so contrary to my expectation that I was quite startled. I always thought that the rich were a ‘community’ but that was so not true. All that the rich have are pretenses and show. There is no connection inside. It is just a matter of protocol, a way of behaving according to their own pre-determined norms. It is a harmony born out of the necessity to stick together for otherwise they stand to lose their monopoly over the world. I’m not insinuating that everyone in the world is like that but most probably are. So, is it that I’m looking at the wrong set of things to make a judgement or is it juat that the rules of the world have changed without my realizing it? Probably, friendship, comradeship, sympathy and understanding have become over-hyped things of the past. ‘WE’ have probably moved on to bigger, better things!

Apocalypto

Well, I'd thought I'll never watch THIS one! I'd almost believed it wasn't "my type" of a movie. But boredom is a far bigger motivator than anything else. Result : watched the much talked about 'Apocalypto' yesterday. WOW!! What an experience. Here I am, writing about whether or not I'll fit into the corporate world and what, in my opinion, was missing from the office life of a corporate executive, when there are people around the world just struggling to live. I know the Mayan civilisation was another time and place altogether but they were people, right? I struggle with choices that seem very trivial when compared to theirs. When we talk of advancement and the march to progress of human civilisation, are we actually moving towards something better or mere trivialities? Do we really need to make life more and more complicated in order to pretend that we are making some progress when we manage to disentangle ourselves from the webs we ourselves weave?

Most of us would call what Apocalypto had to show as 'gross', 'uncivilised' or even 'inhuman' but I felt that the people the movie portrayed were infinitely more human than we ever would be. They had a greater sense of honour and more importantly, a greater sense of purpose in life. They might not have known what caused the solar eclipse but they sure knew the 'how' of almost anything. They knew how to survive in the jungle, they knew how to protect their young ones, they knew exactly how to train these young ones to survive in the forest. They knew how to celebrate life and mourn death, how to pray and how to bless. Their methods might have been different, aye, even 'weird' but the sentiments were the same. They feared the unknown (don't we?). The only difference was that at that time there was A LOT that was unknown. Does that give us any right to think we are in any way more 'advanced' than they were or 'better'? I think not. I sometimes miss being close to nature. The life of the tribal people, right there in the heart of the jungle fascinates me sometimes. Yes, their lifestyle apparently borders on 'brutal' to onlookers sometimes, but their oneness with nature makes up for it all.

Its amazing how just one brush with a harsher reality makes you see your life in a clearer perspective. I feel blessed to live in an age and time of extreme comfort but I also understand that it's come at a BIG price. Its come at the cost of tall trees with lush green leaves, meadows with cows grazing in the distance, hilltops with lots of sheep milling around, small wooden bridges over brooks, gently flowing rivers whose bottoms are visible from the surface, houses with attics and gardens in front, small whitewashed fences and backyards. Was it a good bargain? I think not. But then I don't really have a choice in the matter. Like everyone else before me, I too have been placed in a time and a place, my only option being how I choose to live in it. So, here's to days gone by, forever cherished as memories!!

To be or not to be!

Back for another blog. Was very contemplative (read sleepy) today on my journey to the Microsoft campus. Am I really meant for the 'corporate world'? And then, what really is the 'corporate world'? The money seems to be good, the office and the facilities and food available seem to be fantastic too. But still, something isn't sitting very well with me. It took me almost 2 days to realize what was nagging the back of my mind - it is the lack of personal interaction I see in this place. Everyone's isolated in cubicles, with probably a few words exchanged during the whole day. I know its too early to make a judgement but shouldn't your workplace be more fun? And when I say fun, I mean loads of people, loads of interaction, loads of masti. But I guess this would be very contrary to the whole image of the corporate world, where efficiency and competition drive people and the iindustry at large. Maybe I'm expecting too much, maybe not...who's to say!! I'm just gonna live out the duration of my this internship and then decide on the big question - A Software Engineer, to be or not to be???

THIS is me!!

Finally, my incessant efforts to create a blog yielded results and 'here I am' (Bryan Adams style), with my very own blog. I am surprised sometimes by how simple things become so complicated that you end up feeling disgruntled and frustrated because after all, it WAS supposed to be a simple matter actually. I got into trouble because I wanted everything to be perfect even before I started writing - the template had to be just right, the name of the blog, just perfect and the first blog, truly a literary masterpiece. And that's how it took me almost 2 years to get started. A thing well begun is half done, they say. I think a thing too well begun is not done at all.

So, I decided to give up this obsession with a perfect start and just...start. Ah! It feels great to have finally taken off after driving around like a maniac on the runway. Going by my previous record, I should now start wondering exactly what to write. Should I talk about my oh-so-interesting life (honestly!) or my heroic exploits (believe you me!) or my not-so-ordinary thoughts. In order to avoid another time consuming deliberation, I'm going to stick to the bare facts. I will try and make up for lost time by chronologically listing the events in my life so far. For all those, whom I have balckmailed into reading 'my blog' may now get ready for a repeat telecast and for the unfortunate few who stumbled upon this all by themselves, all I can say is...BRACE YOURSELF!